Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Pick Your Poison..What's Your Drug of Choice...

This is something I know a lot of people are on the fence about and that is can food be addictive! Anyone of my friends who are pleasantly plump, overweight, fluffy or any other descriptive word you can use to define someone who needs to lose weight can most assuredly tell you that yes people can be addicted to food. It's been my drug of choice. I use to boast about being able to put down cigarets anytime I wanted to because I don't have one of them there addictive personalities but the truth of the matter is I do indeed have an addictive personality just the one thing that was and is hard for me to give up is the stuff that is ultimately going to lead to my demise! I love food and it loves me because it chooses to hang around on my body long after I have digested it. Before I go further with my blog let me define addiction for those who are reading this thinking are you kidding me really??

ad·dic·tion  

/əˈdikSHən/
Noun
The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Food indeed is a substance, eating is eh I guess an activity I mean your actively putting food in your mouth. Over the last three weeks I have kicked my soda habit I am proud of that. I have stuck to mostly healthier choices I have had my few indiscretions here and there but nothing that was too bad that it sat me way back in my weight loss.  Some people say all things in moderation when it comes to food...but would you say that to a drug addict? Would you say that to a recovering alcoholic? No you wouldn't assure your friend who use to do drugs that hey if you do it in moderation it's all good ... it's not all good! This is my struggle with the idea of moderation there are just some foods to most of us that would ultimately put us on a downward binge eating episode I know it and most of who are fluffy know it. It triggers that happy feel good feeling! Some overeat for many different reason some are just stuffing their faces in order to stifle emotions, some eat anytime rain or shine no matter what's going on, stress eating, eating from boredom and so on and so forth. You know it's hard to get to the point where you are sick of food or other substances controlling your life it's hard to commit to changing your whole life. No one knows how many times I have thought about going through with this surgery to help me lose the weight I need to lose but only dismiss the thought because I didn't think I could make that commitment to myself to be that careful to be that thoughtful in my planning and thinking and doing. And here I am now months away from taking that plunge to go through with it and I'm not scared even, not worried I'm actually excited and I'm kicking myself in the behind cause I should have done this and made this choice years ago, but who knows maybe I wasn't strong enough years ago still feel like I have wasted so much of my life at times when your on the verge of your 40's you look and see how much of your life you have lived being stuck in a body that has managed to hold you back...but then you think again...maybe it just wasn't the right time then maybe you had to do this and that and come this far just to get to where your going. (Sorry if I'm rambling I tend to do that late at night with my random ADD like thoughts)  However mulling all this over tonight thinking about how food has been like a drug to me..it feels pretty good to be kicking the habit..the bad habits and replacing them with better ones, ones that will improve my life and lengthen my life. Ones that will allow me to be the mother, wife, friend, and every other hat I wear that I want to be. Maybe one day I wont feel so judged when people see me I think that's the worst experience to date is just people looking at you and judging the person they see and not the person you truly are. Thursday is fast approaching I have my first appointment with the weight loss center that I will be going through for my surgery I'm excited and I am truly happy and at peace with my choice to follow through, I know I wouldn't have that peace if it weren't for having God in my life and an awesome support system of wonderful friends that he blessed me with. I'll be 39 this year..hopefully I'll bring in my 40th birthday a whole new woman maybe I'll be half the woman I currently am (Physically speaking I'm okay with who I am inside ;-) ) so the last oh almost 40 years I have hid comfortably or uncomfortably behind my walls that I built up myself...lets see what the next 40 is going to be like...I intend on living each and every moment to it's fullest and doing exactly what God would have me to do and I plan on living a little for a change ;-) It's going to be great! Thanks for reading my mindless rambling but most of all th ank you for even caring to read it! <3 from me! 

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